One of the books I’ve been devouring since lockdown is Samantha Irby’s ‘Wow, No Thank You’, an absolutely brilliant collection of hilarious essays about her new life as a settled down, ‘girl gone mild’ forty year old and I am very much here for it. There is a chapter in particular that had me cackling wickedly where she dedicates an entire 16 pages to the joys you get from small every day wins – whilst comparing them to the enjoyment one might get from sex. Each sentence starts, ‘Sure, sex is great, but have you ever…’ and honestly, if not deeply humoured I was extremely comforted to know that I am not the only one who appreciates Dijon mustard to such a considerable degree. Better than a bang any day, in my placid opinion.
Because of the current climate, and we all need a laugh to keep our spirits somewhat high, I thought it would be ‘fun’ to apply this to social distancing. So when I asked the great people of Instagram to tell me what not-so-secret joys they’ve relished in since lockdown took place, I was of course treated to an eclectic selection of self isolation victories that I reckon many of us will be able to relate to. Here’s a few to start you off…
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever power hosed a filthy patio?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever gotten tipsy at home with your parents in your PJs?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever not worn a bra for 8 days straight?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever not set an alarm for a month?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever spent 3.5 hours on the rigmarole of your bath?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever painted by numbers?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever eaten prawn cocktail crisps without having to apologise for the smell?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever rolled out of bed at 8:50 for a 9:00 Zoom meeting?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever been so tanned from spending full weekends with your windows open?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever experienced the joy of finding a new toilet roll stashed at the back of the cupboard?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever bought a new vacuum?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever put 10 different skincare products on your face in one hour?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever spent 25 minutes making coffee?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever actually attempted an hour of exercise every day?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever worked out how many hours of your life you’ve spent listening to the Chris Moyles Show?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever been so excited for your colouring book and pencils delivery?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever been able to watch everything on your Netflix watch list?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever bleach dyed all your forgotten about clothes?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever not worn make up for a month?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever done 7 face masks in one day?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever found free and interesting courses on Open University?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever had to tell Netflix that yes, you are still here and yes, you are still watching?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever given in and bought a Playstation only to play it secretly whilst he’s at work?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever not washed your hair for a week?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever ordered a manual milk frother AND a mug because you’re feeling wild?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever re-read all your favourite childhood books in one afternoon?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever sat in bed watching YouTube tutorials for 5 hours straight?
Sure, socialising is great, but have you ever had a staff meeting with no trousers on?
Sure, socialising is great.
Sure.
Samantha Irby, you are my lockdown icon.
And if you haven’t bought her book yet – you know what to do.
Because sure, socialising is great, but have you ever laughed so hard at a book that you’ve spluttered red wine all over your one white top and not given a single fuck?
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